You swatted me away just like a fly,
Shunted me aside like clutter on your shelf.
Still, I loved you through it all,
But from now on, I will love myself.
I could’ve loved in years and gazes,
But you could only in moments, in glances.
I used to wait for the day I’d be worthy of more.
From now on, I won’t give you any more chances.
Was my boisterous laugh too much for you?
Should I have toned it down, just a bit?
Did it bother you that I was happy with my life?
Were you unnerved by my spirit?
And did my zealous heart embarrass you?
Should I have silenced it and made it tame?
Did you scoff at it, just the heart of a wide-eyed child,
Or did you envy it, wishing you could’ve had the same?
I used to begrudge those you desired,
And the feelings in you they could unearth,
Dwell over what it was that they had and I didn’t.
From now on, I’ll never forget just what I’m worth.
You wanted to keep me as a good friend,
But between us, still, there was a dichotomy.
Texts were left unanswered, feelings left ignored.
From now on, I’ll cherish the friends that honour me.
No longer will I sit pretty and wait
For you to approve of who I am.
From now on, I’ll walk past you like I’m smelted from gold.
From now on, I won’t give a damn.
And never again will I give my love away
To the man that will not return it,
Or to the man who will treat it like a ragdoll,
From now on, I’ll give it to the man who earns it,
For I have colours so wondrously vivid,
They would put a double rainbow to shame.
And I will never dim them, not even in dark spells,
When your smoky clouds come with the rain,
And I will wear those colours for all to see,
On my clothes, in my eyes, in my smile.
I am the fierceness of the thorny red rose,
I am the tenderness of the lily-of-the-Nile.
So now, I am the boss of my own destiny,
And I apologise if you take issue.
But from now on, I will love myself like you never did,
And from now on, I am done with you.
…………..
Hannah Carberry is a writer from Waterford. Her work mainly consists of short plays which have been staged by amateur drama groups in Waterford and Cork. She recently finished up her Masters in Playwriting & Dramaturgy in NUI Galway. She also regularly takes part in the Modwords spoken word movement in Waterford. You can check out her Facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/HannahCarberry4/